Experimenting on God….

We are taught in Alma chapter 32, that we must experiment on the Word of God in order to know that it’s true.  Sometimes, the word of God isn’t quite enough.  Sometimes we need more of a manifestation or “sign” that His word is indeed true when it says He’s there and that He cares.  Sometimes we need more than just a “tender” feeling after reading from a sacred book, or saying a prayer.  Sometimes, we need Him to work a real  modern day miracle for us, so we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He lives.  Granted, you still have the choice to deny His existence even after He makes it pretty clear He’s there, but that’s not how this story goes….

There was a time, before my mission, when I was challenging God on a pretty regular basis.  I wasn’t rebelling, or going off the deep end.  I was just constantly trying to prove to myself that He either was, or wasn’t there. I was still going to church, I was still reading my scriptures and trying to live a chaste and virtuous life, but I was just… out of touch with God, and I demanded He make himself known to me “Now!!!” or else…. Yeah, I threatened God…. and I didn’t even get struck with “lightning” the way most of us expect to, but I did get “struck” with something.

One day, while driving home from visiting a close family member who was having some serious struggles, my mind started to wander. I was thinking about how I was feeling, and what to do about it, and I was led back to a conversation from many years ago with a friend who had struggled with depression at the time. He was really into the “Emo” thing.  He was a cutter, and I asked him once why he did that, and he told me it was a way to escape the emotional pain he was feeling.  At that time…. I was feeling pretty desperate, and I formulated a little plan to take this words of… “healing” into account, to see if it worked. I knew it was wrong… The minute the idea popped in my head the Spirit was like, “Nope. Not a good idea!” But I didn’t care.  I was determined to escape how I felt, and do so as quickly as possible. I knew what the consequences would be, and that one day I’d have to explain any physical residual evidence to someone someday… but I didn’t care.  I was totally past feeling… Or so I thought.

When I’m alone, I tend to just “talk to God” in a pretty open, candid sort of way.  On this particular day, on this drive home, I told the Lord what my plan was, and that if He was really there, and if He didn’t want me to do it, I wanted Him to send 2 particular people to my apartment, or else I was going to follow my plan to see if it worked… because I was pretty desperate (but I refused to get professional help… classic, I know….).

I’ve come to realize, especially after this “moment” just how much God loves each of us.  I’ve said it so many times before in these posts, but I can say for sure that I know that God loves me…. because He sent those two people I asked for to be there when I got back.  I don’t know how they knew they needed to be there, but at this point, all that matters to me, or that “strikes me” is that they were… that was the miracle.  It’s exactly what I asked God to do to show He truly loved me, that He was truly aware of my situation, and of my desperation.

I can happily, and proudly, tell you I didn’t do anything to myself.  I was really determined though, and that’s how I know, for myself, how much I mean to God.  He could have sent just two other friends, or tried to send some other type of diversion, but He didn’t.  He gave me exaclty what I asked for….

Here’s the take away: My situation, as hard as it was for me personally, isn’t anywhere near the worst situation in the world.  Therefore, if God was willing to listen to a stubborn, desperate brat like me…. make such a “silly” request and demand Him, the Alpha and Omega,to work a miracle…. Why wouldn’t He work one for you? Sure, I guess I was “worthy” of that blessing, but when it comes to God’s love… worthiness is never a factor.  He loves each of us perfectly and completely, 24/7, 365.  My point is, don’t be afraid to ask Him for what you need when you need it, and how you need it.

I testify of the power of prayer.  I testify of faith.  It’s the essential first principle of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for a reason.  If you have nothing else… at least have some faith, no matter how small.  Mustard seeds aren’t that big, people.  Even that small amount can move a mountain… The next time you find yourself facing one of your demons, or find yourself in an impossible situation, or feel like you’re at the end of your rope…. Remember there is a Mighty, All Powerful, All Loving God who’s just waiting for you to ask for His help.  I know God loves me enough that He would have intervened sooner or later, with or without my personal request, but that’s a story for another day.  But what I do love about this “miracle mile” moment, is that He loved me enough to give me exactly what I asked for, exactly when I needed it… And I testify He will do the same for you. Keep that in mind….

Love always,

A Very Grateful and Loved Daughter of God 🙂

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